Paxil, please

It's official - I have the winter blues. This is evidenced by my uncontrollable alligator tears and lack of energy to do anything, including leaving my apartment. In an effort to process, I've determined this momentary show of emotion could potentially be due to a few things:

1) I started suffering from an acute sinus infection last Saturday, was officially diagnosed on Wednesday and have been taking 3 different brick-sized pills a day since then. I have essentially been in a drug-induced haze for 3 days. Yes, clouds have filled my head and I can hardly think.

2) Toronto is in the middle of a weeklong arctic blast. My cracked, ashen flesh is showing serious signs of cellular degeneration. Today, I triple-wrapped myself in North Face, gave myself an impromptu latte-steam facial and almost sawed off my gangrene-plauged limbs in desperation. Combine the sinus infection with the face blistering extreme temps and you have a recipe for disaster. I have not ventured outside in 3 days. Now I see why Jack Nicholson went nuts in "The Shining". My mouth was so dry when I woke up this morning, despite my industrial-strength humidifier, that it felt like someone had shoved in 87 bales of cotton. I could hardly swallow and had to moisten up my hole with a Catholic-family sized gallon of water. Even the birds are looking for a warm place to park their feathers (see photo below).

Please God - make it stop.

Proof of the cold (it's on TV, so it must be true)

The poor birds

The frozen wasteland

Me trying to stay warm (note the red, chapped visage)

Time to Take Your Laptops Off "Simmer"

Hi folks,
You may have noticed that I've been on a self-imposed hiatus and haven't posted anything in a while. Well, fret no more - I'm here to apologize and make nice. I've actually been super busy collecting experiences to write about...I just haven't actually taken the time to write them down! For those of you still with me, I have two spankin' new posts for your perusal. Enjoy!

For those of you who have been in hibernation with me, Welcome Back!

Tobogganing!

I went tobogganing today for the first time in my life. I guess the saying "better late than never" is apt in this scenario. My friend Chris and his wife invited me to their home for an early breakfast (homemade pancakes! smoothies!) - the perfect breakfast for a very chilly day. It was -20C when I left my house this morning. Not quite the balmy day. As an aside, I really enjoy T.O. on Sunday mornings. The city is quiet and I feel like I can explore without being in my usual iPod-wearing bubble, trying to drown out the constant whirs and whines of a big city.

Chris, his little girl and I made it out to the Winthrow Park "baby hill" around 10:30am. While the hill is considered small by T.O. standards, I was more than a little nervous once I climbed to the top of the hill. Even though there were 4 years olds flying down the hill like Canadian geese in flight south for winter, I had nervous little butterflies in my tummy! Chris and his daughter went down first as I got my "feet wet" and nerves up. Up next - the Texan - and in my best Texas accent asked "now how do I do this exactly?" The stares from the regulars were intense! The three of us went down together and it was exactly what I'd hoped it would be - super fun! Because the snow was fluffy and powdery, we all got face fulls of snow on the way down. Chris's daughter was none too happy about it and thus ended her trips down the hill. I, however, was like a kid in a candy store and went down a few more times on my own. I even caught air on a big bump! Sweet. We made snow angels and threw snowballs, and then packed it in and headed home.

Later that same day, I got ready to go to the annual Toronto Maple Leafs "Have a Heart" dinner. The Leafs players serve the attendees at different stations around the venue - in this case, the Boiler House at the Distillery District - and raise money for their Leafs 4 Kids charity. My friend Carolyn came with me and had a drink at Pure Spirits beforehand (note to self: must try this place again soon - good vibe and what smelled like good food).

Afterwards, we headed over to the Boiler House and were conveniently too late to purcahse a "mystery bag", although we later found out that they were basically selling old and outdated TML merch. Bogus! We had dinner after introductions served to us by all the Leafs VIP's - Coach, GM, and players. Overall, it was a way cool event complete with a TML BBQ set and Players cookbook as the party swag...sweet!

Me with Tomas Kaberle

Can Someone Please Close the Freezer Door?

It's -28C outside today. Granted, that's with the windchill, but does it really matter whether it's -19C legitimately or -28C with the wind? I think not. T.O. has become a snow-choked frozen wasteland unfit for man or vehicle. Note to self: buy long johns and a timeshare in Antigua.

Looking out my window - at 2pm

Read more about the freezer that has become Toronto here.

But I digress. I am under the weather, diagnosed by my doc-in-a-box as having an "acute sinus infection" and not "walking pneumonia" as I had concluded by surfing mayoclinic.com. I am supposed to be resting and not working but, alas, work must go on and I am doing my best to keep up with the plethora of quasi-unimportant emails (imo!). Basically, I've been slathering myself up with my newly purchased jar of Vaseline (does that turn anyone else on besides me?), trying to keep my ever-reddening nose somewhat puppy-dog moist, sucking down Halls mentholatum and wrapping myself in a warm blanket cocoon. Maybe I should get one of these monk-like garbs?

I'm not used to sitting at home all day and around 4pm today, I started to get a serious case of cabin fever. I was also starting to feel achy and since am living here alone, must self-medicate and self-serve; as such, I ventured outside to Shoppers Drug Mart to buy a thermometer so as to properly monitor my (again self-diagnosed) oncoming fever. As soon as I stepped outside, the cold took my breath away. It was *bitterly* cold. When I breathed in, my nose actually froze together. Froze *together*, people! It felt like someone opened the freezer door and amped it up x 100. As a born and raised Southern girl, I was ill prepared for it. Still, I perservered and trudged up to the drugstore. The city seemed oddly quiet and I don't know if that's because it was so bloody cold outside that people were smartly staying indoors or because I had on about 8 layers of scarves, earmufs and hats wrapped around my already inflamed head. I perused the aisles, picked up the necessary "sick people foods" (Chicken noodle soup! Saltines! Catholic family-sized jug of Tropicana!), a $14.49 digital thermometer and headed home. I force fed the soup, fresh fruit and OJ and continued enjoying my overly humidified apartment while blissfully watching the all-day CSI marathon on Spike TV. Can life can't get any better?

*New Feature Alert*
So, I am attempting to add a new bit to my blog whereby I document some of the current music I'm digging. Will do my best to post as many Canadian artists as possible in homage to my adopted country. Without further ado.....

Currently listening to (artist/song title):

Hooded Fang/Land of Giants
PPP/Lovers and Haters
Invasions/Atalantic Boulevard
Oh No Forest Fires/It's Not Fun and Games Until Someone Loses
Hooded Fang/Fall Leaves

The Most Classic of All Canadian Experiences

There are many things Canada is known for - mounties, moose, igloos (yes, I jest), etc. - but this weekend, I experienced the ultimate of Canadian activities. I was invited to spend the night with my friend at her house in the Durham Region (sort of like our "county" in Houston) about 40 minutes outside of Toronto. We had planned to have her boyfriend grill his fabulous steaks, drink some wine, watch "Sex and the City" and cause general debauchery. We also watched her dog eat corn straight from the cob. Normally I would say "only in Texas", but in this case, it's "only in Durham".

The next morning, her son had hockey practice, so after having homemade pancakes with Nutella (thanks Rob!), we bundled up and headed to the arena. When we pulled up, there were about 1,000 SUVs in the parking lot with both parents and kids hauling their 200 lb bags of hockey gear and sticks in and out of the arena. When we walked in, scores of people were rushing around and the temperature was about 5C. There were 4 pads of ice in total. On one side, the figure skating pad filled with - no kidding - 3 year olds who appeared to be barely walking but with these itty-bitty tiny skates glued to their feet and helmets on their head. They were holding onto orange pylons and scooting slowly around the rink. Seriously, I think Canadian children come out of the womb with skates on their feet. There's really no other explanation.

On the opposite side of the building were the hockey ice pads. These tiny little boys looked just like the pros but were all of 5 or 6. It felt like the entire town was at the arena that morning and I was told that the same scenario was happening all over the GTA that day, like every Saturday. Once hockey begins in September, practice and games are a weekly event that occur until April of the following year. Holy crap -- that's a lot of weekends spent bundled up in North Face drinking Timmy Ho's. Not to mention, it's not exactly cheap for your kid to play hockey, averaging $450 just to join the team and not including equipment, travel, etc. Wow.

While we were waiting for my friend's son to change into his gear, we scurried over to the ubiquitous Tim Horton's to get a coffee - the MOST Canadian of all Canadian institutions. There must be more Tim Horton's coffee consumed per capita in Canada than all the Starbucks in the universe combined. There is literally not an hour that goes by without seeing someone holding a Tim Horton's cup in hand. I'm convinced they spike their coffee with something to make you come back for more (crack?)

By the way, did I mention the very good looking dads at the arena? Definitely the place to spot hot guys. But I digress. Once we got back to the arena, practice was starting so in we went. It was, of course, even colder inside and I had stupidly only brought my light scarf and coat. So there I sat - in Whitby, Ontario on a saturday morning, Tim Horton's in hand, watching little boys and girls play hockey and ice skate at the local ice rink. It was one of my most memorable Canadian experiences.

TIFF-Tastic Film Reviews, By the Numbers

If you've read my previous posts on the Toronto International Film Festival, you'll see that, unfortunately, much blood, sweat and tears go into securing tickets to the festival. I was lucky enough to be able to take 3 days of vacation to attend this year's festival and saw a total of 14 films. There are several package options, including 25, 30 and 50 tickets, which I can hardly imagine. It's recommended that you get to your films at least 45 minutes early because the lines get really long. While waiting for "Ashes of Time", the official TIFF survey people came by to get stats on some of us in line. I overheard the two people in front of me say that they had purchased the 50 film package. Holy snow, Batman! One couple even flew in from California for the event - they stay in T.O. for 14 days seeing all 50 movies. The man directly in front of me was from Whitby, Ontario - a Toronto 'burb - and he pays to spend 11 nights in T.O. and sees 55 movies! I basically knelt down before them in awe.

What this means for those of us who don't have the bum cartilage to make it throughthis heroic feat is that you literally start your first film around 9am and see movies literally all day through to the "Midnight Madness" film that starts at 11:59pm. Including trasnit time, you likely don't get home until around 3am and start all over again the next day. By the numbers, that's no fewer than 5 films a day for 10 days straight. *That*, my fair readers, is dedication. I asked if they had any recollection of the films they'd seen at the end of the 14 days and they shared with me that they write notes after each film and also include a rating from their very own little rating system. In keeping with that spirit, here are my reviews for the amazing (and not so amazing) films I saw at TIFF08.

Rating System:
***** - Excellent/Do not miss
**** - Great/Highly recommended
*** - Good/See it at a matinee
** - Fair/ Rent the DVD
* - Bad/Don't waste your time or $

1. Dean Spanley - with Peter O'Toole ***
2. $5 a Day - with Christopher Walken ****
3. Wendy and Lucy - with Michelle Williams *
4. Ashes of Time Redux - a Wong Kar Wai film ***
5. Birdsong * - DO NOT SEE THIS FILM! You will feel regret for the rest of the live long day.
6. Is There Anybody There - with Michael Caine ****
7. Easy Virtue - with Jessica Biel and Kristen Scott Thomas *****
8. Pride and Glory - with Edward Norton and Colin Farrel *****
9. Che, Part I - a Steven Soderbergh film with Benicio del Torro ****
10. Zack and Miri Make a Porno - a Kevin Smith film with Seth Rogen *****
11. Il y a Longtemps que Je'Taime - with Kristin Scott Thomas ****
12. Slumdog Millionaire - a Danny Boyle film (kicking ass since 1994!) (Trainspotting) *****
13. Gomorrah **
14. The Wrestler - a Darren Aronofsky film with Mickey Rourke ****

My TIFF08 Experience, By the Numbers
$225: 10-ticket package + 4 additional movies purchased as singles
$64.97: Snacks at 7 of the 14 films (excluding turkey sand hastily scarfed down between shows at Varsity and apple found at bottom of purse)
$21.97: Visine, Tums, moist face towelettes to wipe crust out of eyes, and 79 cent bottle of water
$3.09: Small Diet Coke at ScotiaBank Place
125: # of minutes spent standing in line to a) pick up booklet and order form, b) drop off order form and c) pick up tickets
56: # of minutes spent watching commercials for approved TIFF sponsors and TIFF produced promo
7: # of times I traded tickets after hearing how crappy "that" movie was

To see all my TIFF pictures, click here.

Don't Try This at Home - the Story of TIFF 08

Brutal. The only word in the English language that even remotely describes the ticketing process for the Toronto International Film Festival. Much blood, sweat and tears go into snagging tickets to the highly sought after, and sometimes even lowly sought after, films that are invited to TIFF. I wholly recognize that Toronto is the only film festival in the world that allows the public to attend, but for the love of God, there has got to be a better way to make this miserably difficult process easier for everyone! If this doesn't change soon, the blister popping on my normally perfectly pedicured feet will never end from the 3 hour waits in line. This is the "people's festival" after all and a large part of its success is because the buyers and distributors want to see how a film plays with an audience of real people. Not plastic Hollywood types. So why is the process so f-ing difficult to get an actual ticket?!

I was determined not to repeat the mistake I made last year when I purchased 10 single movie tickets for $220+ when I could have purchased a ticket package for tens of dollars less. TIFF ticket purchasing is really a needlessly convoluted process so for those of you who have nothing else to do with the next 8 minutes of your life, stay tuned for a layperson's description of said process.

Unless you've signed up to receive TIFF alerts, you likely won't know what happens when, which I learned last year the hard way. I subsequently - and smartly - signed up for their emails and presto! - received the first of many in mid-May. First, you figure out how many movies you want to see, whether you want to pair up with someone else to share, etc, etc. There are packages available from a 50 movie pack down to single tickets. It's almost singularly impossible to schedule and physically get to 5 movies per day for 10 days in Toronto. Think about it. Ouch. You'd seriously need one of those blow up rings people with hemorrhoids sit on just to make it through the day. I settled on 15 tickets - a 10 ticket package and 5 single tickets. TIFF changed the process this year and no longer allowed package holders to schedule Gala screenings or Visa Screening Room films. They are their own separate packages and of course, expensive as hell. However, if you are a stargazer/fucker, this is definitely the package for you.

In early August, you are notified of the date when you can queue up at one location in downtown Toronto to pick up your official film schedule and 2 scantron-like forms that you manually complete. Said date this year was Monday, August 26. Said location was Toronto Life Square - TIFF's new home at Yonge/Dundas Square. Schedules were available only from 10 am to 6pm. Sigh. They really make you work for this. I managed to pick up my forms fairly quickly and went to get dinner to peruse the films. (As an aside, Johnny Rockets just opened up at Toronto Life Square so I decided to have a burger at the schmaltzy 50's joint. Interestingly, halfway through my meal, a 50's song came on and the entire staff - including the chefs - did a full on dance to "Stop! In the Name of Love". Oh, and they made a ketchup happy face on my hamburger. Aww.)
This year, the scan-tron request forms had to be turned in by Friday, August 30. Unluckily for me, I was going on holiday to Quebec City so had to return mine by Wednesday, August 28, giving me just 2 short days to read through 310 film synopses and make a schedule for 30 films (15 first choice, 15 second choice). Trust me, this is no small feat. There is some pre-festival blogging about certain movies but for the most part, my strategy was to get tickets only to movies that I felt wouldn't be readily available in theatres. After 8 long hours, I was ready to turn my selections in. I trudged *back* up to Toronto Life Square (if I was a gambling woman, I'd say that the TTC gets some kind of cut from the 10,000 Torontonians making 3 trips to TLS for TIFF) I thought it would only take 5 minutes to turn in my form, but alas, the line just to *turn in* the scantron was an hour long. Sigh.

Finally, everything was turned in and I got my "box number". This is the most important part of the TIFF ticketing process. I am sure that Torontonians everywhere get down on their knees at night praying that they get a good box number. Mine? Lucky #16. Once everyone has turned in their forms, TIFF draws a number at random and that's the box they begin processing ticket requests first. This year, they drew #9, so i essentially got all of my first choice since I was in box #16. Afterwards, I heard that there were over 150 boxes of envelopes this year, so I definitely lucked out.

On Monday, September 1 (Labour Day), you could begin picking up your tickets, buy single movie tickets and exchange for other films. Needless to say, the lines were again excruciatingly long. I know I've made light of the lines, but part of the fun of TIFF is actually standing in line and getting to know the people around you. People talk about what they're seeing or what they've heard is good, and the camaraderie is way cool. But after two hours of standing there, it gets old. The entire process is done manually so when you get up there, you give them your pick up ticket and they go through cardboard boxes by last name to find your envelope.

With tickets finally in hand, I did a little jig and headed home, thrilled and very much looking forward to TIFF08!